Meh

Sick, sick, sick.


This is getting really old now. Winter term I had a whole *two* weeks where I was NOT sick. Yeah, I was sick the whole rest of the term.
Different colds too..

wth?


So. Blogging on hold till I feel like crawling out of bed.

Small steps

I got talking with a woman who I greatly admire today. She's been a huge motivator for me in both getting my thoughts in the right place, working out, and eating right.
She's also teaching two of my classes this term, so I see her a couple days a week.
One class in my body sculpting, the other is a lab for my nutrition class (which is very boring due to all the research I did on my own >.<)

I tend to think about things a bit to much, and start obsessing about how I *need* to do this and that and oooh maybe another 14 things today to get healthy *quicker*.

But she always reminds me that while that *can* work if you happen to be someone who responds well to pressure (ie, not someone who eats when she gets stressed), it's better to just make small every day changes.

I'm not saying that the drastic changes aren't good or needed. It's just that instead of taking 5 workout classes like I did in fall term, I'm making the drastic changes in my way of thinking.

So, after much thinking, here is some of what I think:

• I am happy with my body, but I also hate it.

I like myself, and I am very happy in everyday life. But (there are always the 'buts), I am not happy with how unhealthy I am. My family has some history of chunkiness, no morbid obesity, but most of my family has been chunky for most of my life. I don't care wether or not I am skinny (slight lie, I admit it. But I look at skinny girls and I want make them eat! Give me some curves, curvy girls are gorgeous).

• Health in general...

You probably all know about "Adult onset diabetes."
Did you know it's not referred to as that anymore? It is now "Type 2 diabetes."
Why? Simple; in recent years it is no longer 'adult onset.' Teens and young children are now the ones having to worry about this. Not to say that adults won't face this, but it's still scary.
In other words, I really *really* never ever want to even think about facing diabetes. And I am at fairly high risk right now. Eek!

• Food is not bad.....or is it?

So...labeling foods as 'bad' or 'good' can lead to late night rendezvous with said forbidden food, leading to unwanted pounds and guilt. Or it can help us avoid unneeded calories/carbs/fat/what have you. In general I do try to avoid labeling foods as 'bad', though I do enjoy the 'good' label.
And yet in the world of healthy for life eating habits, 'bad' pops up all the time.
Refined sugar = bad
White flour/bread/ect = bad
And yet... My family stopped buying white bread about 4 years ago. (I think? Can't recall really. My parents and I all went on the 'south beach' diet thing....more on that later...) Until that point I had only eaten very white bread (you know, it gets kind of doughy when you eat it). That's about 16 years of white bread. And I loved it! (past tense)
Ok, so I still love white bread. But I don't buy it, and it only comes into the apartment if a) I'm making it from scratch (1/2 white flour, 1/2 wheat), or b) I get a loaf of some good crusty bread from our co-op for garlic bread.
I can't stand most true whole grain bread. It's crunchy! There's these little bits of grain *shudders*. Ok, so it's not all that bad these days. Upside is that I don't eat much bread (maybe 3-4 pieces a week, or if I have bagels - yes, whole grain. but they taste good toasted- then couple of those for the week - I cut them into thirds-)

I think I had a point, but I'm not sure anymore...

• This one contradicts what I said above...

Yes, I do love my body. Most of the time, on the good days, when I've just worked out, and...ok, I love my body some of the time.
But I don't want to be the gal who can't keep up anymore. (I can keep up (almost)with a good friend of mine now. Still hard, but he power walks everywhere and is quite a bit taller)
I want to be able to bike next to my friends and talk, not just reply uh-huh because I'm so out of breath. (unless we just raced, then it's ok)
I want to not have that little twinge of fear walking up the stairs because I'm embarrassed to be out of breath and red faced and sweating a little.
I want to try this 'running' thing. (Soccer running, yay. Running for running? We shall see)
I want to be able to go shopping, and actually have fun (not just grab some sweat pants and leave).

But despite that long slightly imposing list, I'm not discouraged right now.
I am:
Working out
Twice a week body sculpting (8 & 10lb weights)
The nutrition Lab once a week (we workout most times, even if it's not intense)
I am setting up Cardio days with my sister, a friend, and just me. (I'm aiming for 3-4xweek for now, 45mins or so)
And I have a soccer game each weekend. It's indoor (so much more fun), but while you don't run as far, you run more and lots of sprinting.

Eating Healthier
Healthy cooked meals are really helping my energy, and it's fun!
(some meals this week were: Curry Tofu with carrots, celery, onion, green pepper, mushrooms. Tempeh with spices, lots of veggies, 1/4 cup wheat pasta for each person, and a little cheese on top. <-- also had milk, wheat garlic bread one night, fruit side one night, ect..)
I haven't eaten past full all week. My head said 'eat more', my stomach said 'this is ok right here.' So I stopped, but the plates and leftovers away, and grab a piece of sugar free gum.
I've got a list of goals (more than above), and I'm working on setting rewards for the big ones. (I know I'm getting a massage when I hit a 20 or 30lb loss)

I know that I'm going to have a love-hate relationship with my scale, but at this point I do 'need' it as a way to help motivate me and measure progress.
Soooo tempting to just throw it out the window though.... Is it bad that I'm already planning a goal weight scale burning/destruction party?

So...How exactly do I start this?

Blogging....Right. Blogging about my personal life and weight problems ... *cringes*
Cringing said and done, it's high time to get my ass a little further in gear, and I am in dire need of both motivation and some form of self accountability.
So, where to begin? The usual list of random crap?
Name: Ariel
Age: 19
Height: 5'8"
Current Weight: 223. <-- holy hell what have I done to myself? And when did it happen? Goal...scratch that. Healthy Weight: 140-145

So. About me.
Long story short is as follows:
I've been overweight for most of my child and teen years. I blame many factors for this, ranging from horribly low self-esteem, to eating for comfort, to not knowing about nutrition, and in some part due to the fact that I was home schooled (I'll never know, but maybe if I'd been around more people my age - both friends and those who would taunt- maybe.... and I'm sure I would have been more active). I spent much of my time as a couch potato, and I was fine with that.
Was
Summer '06 was a huge step forward for me. I worked as a camp counselor/horse staff at a place where I'd been a camper. Despite not making any real effort to eat healthy (ok, no effort at all), the sheer amount of work I did had me looking and feeling great by the end of the summer. I'm not sure, because I don't think I ever weighed myself, but I think I was down to about 175-180ish (from about 205).

You know how they say that when you fall in love you get fat?
May or may not be true really, surely was not true for me. And yet it was in some ways.
I returned August '06 from my summer job, to find that my crush had moved into town (he'd lived about an hour away before). We started dating November '06, and are still together :)

But the one single downside is that I got complacent. In '06 I still did not know much about nutrition/dieting/exercise/ect... And so I didn't exercise, and I went straight back to my old eating habits.

Fall term '07 (ie: two terms ago) I couldn't stand to look in the mirror. I hated shopping in any form, and I was unhappy with where I was. Over summer '07 I'd done my research, and I realized (and am still realizing) just how unhealthy my lifestyle was. And so I did something rather stupid. I took 5 (yes 5) PAC (physical activity courses) classes.
Body Sculpting
Step Aerobics
Pilates
Physioball +
Kickboxing
Yes, I am aware now that I was clearly mentally insane. By the end of the term I S/U ed 4 and was in Adapted physical activity for the 5th. (Yeah...I forgot to mention, I am a COMPLETE klutz... I fell of the step in step aerobics on the first day I used a high step....ouch.)

I wanted to 'jump start' myself. And it worked for most of the term, and then I got hurt. I was in a boot and on crutches for a couple weeks, then just the boot for a couple more.
Because of this I couldn't take a PAC class winter term, and I let myself believe that I'd done really well...
And I was horrible to by body winter term. Chips, oreos, patsa, candy, more pasta, pizza...
I don't think I saw a single fruit. Maybe a couple veggies.
The worst part? I don't even know how much progress I'd made in fall term. Because of my injury I never got to take the follow up fitness tests. And we'd signed a no-weigh thing, and I couldn't be bothered to find a scale. So who knows? Maybe I'd gotten close to my 175 post camp worker weight.

All I know is that now I'm 223.
I went and bought the scale today, because I've been really working hard. I'd thought my weight was 205, 208 max.
It's really hard to think you're making progress, and then suddenly something hits you.

I'm just really glad that I do have my partner to support me through this. He's been an amazing help, it's much easier to resist that rocky road in the freezer when I've got his hugs and kisses instead. I just need to find a way to get him to the gym with me.... :P

Since spring break I've been making some big changes. Home cooked dinners, every night.
Whatever I make has been at least half veggies every night except two. I'm trying to eat breakfast most days, and eat a healthy lunch. Trying to get the snack thing going as well.
Now that my ankle's healed up (or close enough), I'm back in Body Sculpting class, 2xweek for 1hr each time. I've got indoor soccer once a week for about an hour (season hasn't started yet, I'm hoping we don't have so many women that it's 5mins on the field, 10 in the box. I want to play the whole time! It kills me, but it's so fun!)

So yes, that's about it for now I guess. Good enough intro for someone who's never done this I hope.
I can say that I feel much better now that when I threw (oops) the scale onto the couch an hour ago.