Small steps

I got talking with a woman who I greatly admire today. She's been a huge motivator for me in both getting my thoughts in the right place, working out, and eating right.
She's also teaching two of my classes this term, so I see her a couple days a week.
One class in my body sculpting, the other is a lab for my nutrition class (which is very boring due to all the research I did on my own >.<)

I tend to think about things a bit to much, and start obsessing about how I *need* to do this and that and oooh maybe another 14 things today to get healthy *quicker*.

But she always reminds me that while that *can* work if you happen to be someone who responds well to pressure (ie, not someone who eats when she gets stressed), it's better to just make small every day changes.

I'm not saying that the drastic changes aren't good or needed. It's just that instead of taking 5 workout classes like I did in fall term, I'm making the drastic changes in my way of thinking.

So, after much thinking, here is some of what I think:

• I am happy with my body, but I also hate it.

I like myself, and I am very happy in everyday life. But (there are always the 'buts), I am not happy with how unhealthy I am. My family has some history of chunkiness, no morbid obesity, but most of my family has been chunky for most of my life. I don't care wether or not I am skinny (slight lie, I admit it. But I look at skinny girls and I want make them eat! Give me some curves, curvy girls are gorgeous).

• Health in general...

You probably all know about "Adult onset diabetes."
Did you know it's not referred to as that anymore? It is now "Type 2 diabetes."
Why? Simple; in recent years it is no longer 'adult onset.' Teens and young children are now the ones having to worry about this. Not to say that adults won't face this, but it's still scary.
In other words, I really *really* never ever want to even think about facing diabetes. And I am at fairly high risk right now. Eek!

• Food is not bad.....or is it?

So...labeling foods as 'bad' or 'good' can lead to late night rendezvous with said forbidden food, leading to unwanted pounds and guilt. Or it can help us avoid unneeded calories/carbs/fat/what have you. In general I do try to avoid labeling foods as 'bad', though I do enjoy the 'good' label.
And yet in the world of healthy for life eating habits, 'bad' pops up all the time.
Refined sugar = bad
White flour/bread/ect = bad
And yet... My family stopped buying white bread about 4 years ago. (I think? Can't recall really. My parents and I all went on the 'south beach' diet thing....more on that later...) Until that point I had only eaten very white bread (you know, it gets kind of doughy when you eat it). That's about 16 years of white bread. And I loved it! (past tense)
Ok, so I still love white bread. But I don't buy it, and it only comes into the apartment if a) I'm making it from scratch (1/2 white flour, 1/2 wheat), or b) I get a loaf of some good crusty bread from our co-op for garlic bread.
I can't stand most true whole grain bread. It's crunchy! There's these little bits of grain *shudders*. Ok, so it's not all that bad these days. Upside is that I don't eat much bread (maybe 3-4 pieces a week, or if I have bagels - yes, whole grain. but they taste good toasted- then couple of those for the week - I cut them into thirds-)

I think I had a point, but I'm not sure anymore...

• This one contradicts what I said above...

Yes, I do love my body. Most of the time, on the good days, when I've just worked out, and...ok, I love my body some of the time.
But I don't want to be the gal who can't keep up anymore. (I can keep up (almost)with a good friend of mine now. Still hard, but he power walks everywhere and is quite a bit taller)
I want to be able to bike next to my friends and talk, not just reply uh-huh because I'm so out of breath. (unless we just raced, then it's ok)
I want to not have that little twinge of fear walking up the stairs because I'm embarrassed to be out of breath and red faced and sweating a little.
I want to try this 'running' thing. (Soccer running, yay. Running for running? We shall see)
I want to be able to go shopping, and actually have fun (not just grab some sweat pants and leave).

But despite that long slightly imposing list, I'm not discouraged right now.
I am:
Working out
Twice a week body sculpting (8 & 10lb weights)
The nutrition Lab once a week (we workout most times, even if it's not intense)
I am setting up Cardio days with my sister, a friend, and just me. (I'm aiming for 3-4xweek for now, 45mins or so)
And I have a soccer game each weekend. It's indoor (so much more fun), but while you don't run as far, you run more and lots of sprinting.

Eating Healthier
Healthy cooked meals are really helping my energy, and it's fun!
(some meals this week were: Curry Tofu with carrots, celery, onion, green pepper, mushrooms. Tempeh with spices, lots of veggies, 1/4 cup wheat pasta for each person, and a little cheese on top. <-- also had milk, wheat garlic bread one night, fruit side one night, ect..)
I haven't eaten past full all week. My head said 'eat more', my stomach said 'this is ok right here.' So I stopped, but the plates and leftovers away, and grab a piece of sugar free gum.
I've got a list of goals (more than above), and I'm working on setting rewards for the big ones. (I know I'm getting a massage when I hit a 20 or 30lb loss)

I know that I'm going to have a love-hate relationship with my scale, but at this point I do 'need' it as a way to help motivate me and measure progress.
Soooo tempting to just throw it out the window though.... Is it bad that I'm already planning a goal weight scale burning/destruction party?